The Standard Apology

This is where I as a blogger apologize for my absence over the past while. But what do I have to apologize for? I've continued to do the things that feed this blog - thinking, doing, reflecting, writing - but with an emphasis on areas that don't fit the spin of this blog as well as other venues. I've been developing a few business ideas and my focus has been on seeing where they go and what they turn into, which will of course open up new sources of random insights.

But here's one for you. There is one particular business goal I can envision quite well and others seem to project it as a viable possibility as well. But it seems so far away from where I am today and I don't have a clue how to get there. There is no precedent in my life and it's so personal that no one else's path could ever substitute for mine. While we might be able to share insights once I'm on the path, I have to find my own first. And no matter how much research, strategizing and planning I do, I feel no momentum and no sense of imminent possibility until I give up and admit that I honestly do have no clue how to get there. I admit that it would take a miracle to bridge the gap in this lifetime, maybe a series of miracles: synchronicities, anonymous benefactors, twists of fate, chance encounters, dumb luck, the whole shebang. And I'm okay with that. I'm willing to let it happen. And in that moment, maybe just maybe it starts to happen.

Instant Friend, Just Add Water

One of many wonderful innovations made possible by the Internet has been the Instant Friend. On Lavalife, Friendster, MySpace, Facebook, Plentyoffish and lots of other social networking sites, individuals looking to add other individuals to their lives are introduced through a process that transcends the circumstances of each other’s lives to efficiently facilitate highly qualified matches. At least it seems like it should work that way. It’s brilliant – no longer having to fish for friends, lovers and soulmates in the relatively shallow pools of one’s school chums, family friends and co-workers. For some people these pools are not insignificant, but the hegemony of these groups can be an obstacle if one desires to make contact with those having qualities not generally found within one’s own social circle. And yet, what should be a relatively smooth ride to satisfaction is too often a jerky, confusing and pointless ordeal that ends up going nowhere. Why?

There’s a problem inherent in the promise of the Instant Friend, particularly in its most potent form, the Instant Soulmate: we don’t usually connect instantly. Even – and perhaps particularly – with people who end up taking a significant role in our lives, it can take time and repeated exposures to size them up and get comfortable. At first we may not even notice them. And when we do, we may not even like them. Far from matching lists of common interests, our first list might be of the things that irritate us about them. But those are the things that make them real and it’s their reality that ultimately makes for a real friend, lover or soulmate. Of course, lightning can strike and does, but we shouldn’t depend on it alone to power our lives.

Maybe it's you . . .

There are two ways to stand apart from your fellow humans: because of who you are and because of who you're not.

It's not me, it's you.

I’m not one to invest too heavily in the opinions of others and recognize that not fitting in with or being misunderstood by those around you can be a mark of distinction. Can be, but isn’t necessarily. It’s also possible that if the people around you think you’re a jerk, dweeb or idiot then maybe that’s an accurate reflection of the face you’re showing them. Maybe you’re withholding the genuine you that they could connect with – warts and all – and presenting a distorted, cramped, self-defensive or downright hostile visage instead. It’s one thing not to be accepted by people with whom you have nothing in common, but if you find yourself being shunned or deflected by those whose opinions you value, you’ve got to consider whether you might actually be the problem. It’s easy to object that others should accept you as you are, but that’s easier to do if you’re actually being yourself. If instead you’re asking them to be a screen for your psychological projections or take a lead role in your internal drama, then you shouldn’t be surprised if they politely decline. Those who have the ability to share themselves openly with others often find that they are widely accepted, even if they are a bit of a jerk, dweeb or idiot.

Got it.

The same day that I posted my previous post I was talking with a friend and a surprising idea popped into my head that contradicted the direction I thought my professional life was taking. And yet it made perfect sense and may even provide a reason why this friend and I had popped into each other's lives, a delicious mystery we had still not entirely solved. I immediately felt that this was the development I had felt compelled to celebrate and in fact it had been right in front of me and I hadn't been aware of it. So, slainte!

Here's to I don't know what

For quite some time I've had the intention of buying myself a bottle of Johnnie Walker Black Label to celebrate my next professional advancement when it arrived. I felt very strongly that something needed to happen and that it would happen, but it seemed to be taking its time. Now I feel compelled to go and buy that bottle even though I still don't know what it is I'm celebrating. But it must be something good. I can't wait to find out what it is. In the meantime I'll treat myself to some JW Black. But only for existential purposes of course.

For'ard Harch!

When waiting in line, either in person or in traffic, be prompt in moving forward when you get the opportunity. Your advancement allows those behind you to advance as well and allows them to share the sense that things are moving after all, so don't withhold that from them, okay?